My father died two weeks ago. My eyes are dripping sea salt.
I didn't know it was salt until I actually tasted it on the tip of my
tongue, and everything just kind of spilled out. My brother
wanted me to write a poem for him through the spoken word,
but I declined, and made everyone laugh.
Sometimes, I am shy in front of people, many different kinds of people,
some people with hats and others without hats, or people who
pronounce "gif" like "Jiff," the magic peanut butter that makes kids eat.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd be good at public speaking, but I got out
of it in high school-my teacher wasn't too happy, he called me a spoiled
sport but he didn't know I had surgery on my throat when I was
Come to think of it, I've had lots of surgeries-seven, to be exact,
but that doesn't matter now, all that matters is my father, even
though I never got to say goodbye. There are different ways of saying
goodbye. You can say it on paper, through the written word,
or toss his ashes out to sea, and maybe that's why my tears were sea
salt, because I was missing my father.
Everyone is watching out for me. I told my brother it's ok.
He doesn't like crying in front of other people, and I don't like
to make speeches in public, because it makes me feel strange-
disconnected, as if my mother was with me in spirit instead of standing
right next to me during the service. My nephew was tempermental.
He wouldn't behave. I had to leave my dog at home, even though I was
supposed to watch him all weekend, but my mom gave him a big
bone before she left for her vacation. She didn't come to the funeral because
it was her ex-husband's birthday, even though they used to have a lot of fun,
and they were married and had "great" kids.
I don't know why I'm writing this now when I could have said it at
to help others cope with the grieving process. I don't know how to grieve.
I was dead before my father, and his father was dead before me, and so on
and so forth, like a funeral procession.
we were alive at the same time, death still haunts me, but the people we cherish
will be with us forever and after. I guess that's all I can say about that